Elbowing Scandal Reminds Justin Trudeau Of That Time He Suffocated His Father To Secure His Power

Germania, QB – Our Northern Star investigative team has uncovered a secret tape of a meeting between Justin Trudeau and his father, Pierre Elliot Trudeau. Some may find the contents of the transcript disturbing but it is entirely factual. A dramatization can be found here at Trudeau Secret Meeting.

Pierre: Are you ready to do your duty for Canada?
Justin: Yes, father.
Pierre: You will not be Prime Minister.
Justin: Which wiser, older man is to take my place?
Pierre: My powers will pass to Mulroney to hold in trust until the Senate is ready to rule once more. Canada is to be a Republic again.
Justin: Mulroney?

Pierre: My decision disappoints you?
Justin: You wrote to me once, listing the four chief virtues — wisdom, justice, fortitude, and temperance. As I read the list I knew I had none of them. But I have other virtues, Father — ambition, that can be a virtue when it drives us to excel; resourcefulness; courage, perhaps not on the battle field but there are many forms of courage; devotion, to my family, to you. But none of my virtues were on your list. Even then it was as if you didn’t want me for your son.
Pierre: Oh, Justin, you go too far.
 I searched the faces of the gods for ways to please you, to make you proud…. One kind word, one full hug while you pressed me to your chest and held me tight, would have been like the sun on my heart for a thousand years…. What is it in me you hate so much? All I ever wanted was to live up to you, Caesar, Father.
Pierre: Justin, your faults as a son, is my failure as a father.
Pierre: Father, I would have butchered the whole world if you would have only loved me!!!

(Muffled sounds of struggling)

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