REPORT: 85% of Victoria Drivers Just Driving Around For No Reason

Victoria, B.C. – “It just makes me sad to imagine a road having no traffic.” Said Glenda Blande, “So I make sure to drive around in the middle of the day with no destination.” Victoria is a quaint little city in Canada that is home to 98% of the nation’s elderly population. “We came here to die.” Said Winston Slugget, a 61 year old retiree. “But before we die we need to drive around a whole bunch really slowly for no reason. I’m retired, I have nowhere to go, my friends and I just want to make sure there is a heavy volume of traffic at 11am.” If you visit Victoria it is important to be aware of the traffic rushes that occur at 8am (the morning commute to work), 9am (Neurotic parents driving their children to school) 11am (Brunch rush), 1pm (Lunch rush), 2pm (Neurotic parents picking up their shitty kids), 3pm (the return commute warm-up rush), 4pm-6pm (The grand fucking finale).

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