87% of sharks identify as “chubby chasers”

The Sea – “I don’t want to bite into some skinny bitch,” Snarls, a ragged tooth shark (Charcarias Taurus), said. “Seein’ you makes me hungry but eatin’ you don’t make me full.” Nearly all the sharks we interviewed stated that they preferred their prey to have some “junk in the trunk.” Only one shark, Willie, said he liked his prey to be smaller. “Did Willie say that?” Noam Chompsky, a Bull Shark (Carcharhinus Leucas), asked. “Well, I guess that makes sense, I mean he is a whale shark so he eats nothing but krill. Willie is kind of fucked up.”