Earth – “It’s just ridiculous that this planet continues to heat up despite the fact that the science on climate change is not conclusive,” said John Peters, a fox news contributor, “The left wing media has been perpetrating lies and this planet seems to believe them without checking all the sources first.” The Earth has been heating up steadily at an unnatural rate since the industrial revolution. Earth says it has nothing to do with politics, “It’s just science, man.” said the Earth, our home planet, “The greenhouse gasses are making me heat up, things are looking pretty bad.” Conservative pundits are dismissing the Earth’s views as highly partisan. “It’s just ridiculous that the Earth would be so polarized. We all live here, try to reach across the Aisle,” said Rush Limbaugh, “Earth does nothing but float around all day and just expects us to support it. These aren’t the values we live by down here. We value hard work and the free market.” Earth responded by scoffing and melting more glaciers to make room for its new man bun.