Earth Reluctantly Adjusts Rotation To Comply With Daylight Savings

AT 2 AM ON MARCH 13th our noble planet sped up its rotation to put us forward an hour in compliance with daylight savings time. “It’s a real pain in the ass” said Earth, “I guess it has something to do with farmers? Seems dumb.” Earth says it will slow down its orbit to put humans back an hour in the fall. “I feel like Mars back when he had humans living on him.”