JAMES AND RACHEL’S relationship has been a little on-edge these past few weeks, “My friends are dropping like flies,” it said, “It’s like this every year but damn, James really cheaped out on his present for Rachel this time. She was not pleased… But as far as I know, I’ve survived.” Every year, in January, thousands of relationships end because it would just be too cruel to break up before or during Christmas. After all the presents have been received and holiday sex has been had, it’s time to move on and start fresh. “It’s always so crazy after Christmas. For relationships it’s like that scene in Saving Private Ryan when everyone in the landing boat gets slaughtered and only a few make it out. Pretty intense. Just look at the relationship status’ on Facebook, it’s a fucking massacre.” James and Rachel’s relationship is relieved to have survived this January but predicts it won’t survive through Valentines Day unless Rachel gets pregnant.