News of the Decreased Value of the Loonie is Devastating News for Man with Basement Full of Loonies

Victoria, BC – Local resident Ned Lumpkin, who’s entire savings is in Loonies, has been devastated by this weeks financial report which showed the value of the Canadian Loonie at just seventy seven cents to the U.S Dollar. “I bought all these Loonies at eighty nine cents and when they were at one hundred and three my wife told me to sell them but I thought we might climb even higher because we use loonies for everything nowadays. But we’ve hit a rough patch A REAL ROUGH PATCH and I don’t know if ol’ Ned is gonna make it out.” Mr. Lumpkin continued to refer to himself in third person and, as he ran his fingers through his nearly 23,000 loonies, he described his plans for the future, “One day these Loonies are gonna be worth a dollar twenty, you’ll see, and when they are the government is gonna try and take my Loonies just like they took my pennies!” During our interview we never met Ned Lumpkin’s wife, although we did meet his children, which, apparently, were some more Loonies that he had hidden under his bed.